How to have a permanent relationship?
The longest relationship in life where someone lives with another person is of a husband and wife. If we see the examples the time duration goes to 50, 60 or even 70 years or more together whereas kids stay with parents normally 20 years or so, other relations are even shorter in time length when it comes to staying together. It makes all sense t make it permanent.
I guess for that reason alone, life-partners/couples are called LIFE-PARTNERS
When two people are together for life, it is by no means a permanent smooth ride. They are bound to have some differences. They will commit some mistakes, some of them even big ones. There will be understanding failures between them. They will face the tough disagreeable situations; will have personality conflicts, disagreements and what not!
How do we sail through all those tough times and stay committed to our life partner for a better, permanent relationship?
Below are the 24 good ways to sail through the tough times and have a permanent, lifelong relationship. This is by no means an exhaustive list. We encourage our readers to help share their experiences and add more.
- Unconditionally love each other: Conditions are for business partnerships not for life-partnerships. When you love someone, there has to be no condition. Life partners are going to support each other throughout life so there is no other condition required anyway.
- Stop seeking individual gains: As we have mentioned on our life-partners page, when two people become life partners, they both lose something and gain something. In almost all the cases, the combined gain is much more than the individual loss. The moment when anyone of the two partners start thinking that the individual gain has to be more than the loss, the marriage or the partnership becomes a vulnerable commodity. It degrades itself to a business partnership from a life partnership.
- Decide who has the first say: If both partners want to have a first say in any matter, it is almost impossible to materialize. Make a decision on who will have a first say on a matter. Keep changing it depending on the matter at hand and your/partner’s expertise. But one at a time!
- Learn together from your elders: Our elders have some really hidden and valuable lessons to offer about being always together in life. Learn from them and be together at the moment. When they realize you love each other as they do, they will open up more.
- Respect each other’s family: It is a sensitive matter. You and your partner have been with your families before coming together as partners. If you respect your partner’s family, you and your family will get the same respect back. The bond will get stronger. Participate in each-other’s family functions.
- Be there at the birth of a child: The most thrilling and happiest time of your and partner’s life. Be with your partner at the time of your child’s birth. There is no other support or a person in the world who can replace your presence and warmth at this time. Leave anything and everything to be there at the right time. The bond will increase manifolds!
- Value your differences: Your differences make you unique and more valuable together as the life partners. To simply put in a perspective, can you imagine difficulties in life if a couple has same strengths and same weaknesses? Don’t you feel some vacuum; null zone here?
- If one is angry other must be calm: I call it an AC (Angry/Calm not air-conditioned) Couple! Two angry birds will surely thin their own feathers! There is no harm in staying quiet and suggesting the angry partner that we should speak later more constructively on this topic once your emotions are expressed. Though I am listening even now, but we cannot have a meaningful discussion while you are that angry.
- Make your goals as common as possible: Keep your family goals same and review them together yearly. Keep your individual goals as common as possible and review them together as well. Be your own critic here. Review, revise and achieve them as together as possible. For example: When do you want to have a baby? If one of you wants to be only a part-time worker, let it be that way. Share some common house responsibilities and part-time working partner can have little more of those responsibilities than the full time working partner. A balanced family approach!
- Trust each other: Without trust, everything bursts! This is one of the most important trait and requirement. Breaching partner’s trust can actually damage any relation to irrevocable level. Be very open, transparent and sharing with your partner. Do not hide anything. Listen and expect listening. Needless to say, cheating is a big no, no!
- Strengthen the good times: Make your good times multiply. When in good mood, sit for an hour extra. Cut off what you don’t need. Stay longer in the bed together. Watch family video and albums together. Create a family website. Keep all your memories intact. Open them often. Discard any unpleasant memory otherwise associated with good times. Take holidays together. Go theatre together. Be thankful and grateful to your partner about what he/she has done for you and your family. Commit yourself.
- Express your feelings: Never be shy while expressing your emotions. Express your love loudly as your partner likes it; even if not encourages it sometimes. Express your anger as well. Practice reducing your anger with time. Express all other emotions as they come. Cry and laugh together. Enjoy, celebrate and relax together. Don’t only depend on emojis. Make really those faces sometimes in life.
- Do not vocalize past mistakes of your life-partner: If a lesson is learnt, never vocalize a past mistake of your partner. If lesson is not learnt, repeat lesson only. Nothing irritates more than hearing a past (may be even silly) mistake from the life partner, again and again when you/partner have already learned the lesson and you always try to do your best for your partner anyway. It brings the morale down and creates the unasked question, “Am I so irrelevant that he/she repeats only my mistake and not the good I have done so far?”
- Love your kids: Kids are common bond strengtheners. Both partners love kids. Express your love towards your kids more and more often. Help them in life. Take them to outings with you. Be there at their birthdays and functions. Introduce them to both families. Grow with them. Create their childhood memorable; together!
- Plan yearly time: It is also one of the very important activities to stay together for life. Plan family time, kid’s time, spouse time and your own time at-least once a year. Do your planned activities in that time. Respect the purpose of the particular time. Do not engage yourself in sole activities during an allocated family time. Value and support your spouse activities in her/his own time plan. Look after kids. Do house chorus.
- Follow and review your finances together: Make it a completely transparent family subject. Know and follow each other finances. Never go into the feeling that I earn it so it is my money so I can spend it any way I want. This is a sure relation spoiler. Help each other. Buy bigger investments together. Have a chart/program that you can use to monitor your daily/monthly/yearly expenses in a proper way. (Get it free from me if you want). Review if you achieved or missed your yearly financial goal. Plan together for next year. Have some emergency funds. Value money.
- Be truthful to your partner: Be very honest and truthful to your partner. If you did a mistake, better be first to admit and correct it rather than trying to hide it.
- Praise, praise and praise: It is exactly what it says. Praise, praise and praise! Don’t leave any chance where you can praise your partner. Daily praise slowly will become a great mood altering magnet and then love glue and then a lifelong sticking commitment!
- Never be violent: It will surely dislodge any relation. Simply control yourself and by all means, don’t be violent. Be master of your mind, not slave. Leave the moment if you have to but never be on the side of a violent scenario. Violence and mistrust can finish any relation in no time.
- Respect boundaries of each other: It may be the food I like, the book I am reading, the mood I am in or so, the pet she loves; the gym she likes; her glasses etc. The idea is to value and boost the individual existence within the great boundary of a family and togetherness feel.
- Surprise your partner sometimes: Agree to something you usually don’t. Get her/him the gift she/he will love without telling. Take a surprise day off! Give her some bangles! Give him a wristwatch! Take care of kids and let her go to a party. Go for a surprise bike ride. Have that romantic candlelight dinner. Help kids shower. Make a morning tea! Small love gestures go a very long way here!
- Walk together hand in hand: On the rough and smooth roads of life, sometimes walk together hand in hand. Repeat the commitments you made to each other when you got married. Think of the solutions if you are in a situation. Think of saving something if days are good. Walk hand in hand!
- Read: Get to some good reading material on relation development. Subscribe to some good blogs and learn from the good literature. Be an active member of a library. Enhance your relation on the basis of those learning.
- Believe in each other: At the end, believe that there are no situations in life that will push us to separate our ways. We have come together as a purpose of love and life. We will find solution to any problem when faced together. Our life will be exactly the way we will shape it! It is and will be beautiful! Together!